LISTENING TO AND COMMUNICATING WITH CHILDREN ABOUT COMMON CHILDHOOD FEARS 

Children’s fears are common. They are widely and often silently experienced. Although fear is experienced uniquely by each child, in addition to fear there are universal ancillary feelings of embarrassment, loneliness, powerlessness and shame.

Research about children’s social and emotional lives shows the various ways in which children experience fear. Although some fears may be longlasting, children usually experience different fears at difference ages. Toddlers and small children are often frightened of loud noises or large objects, apprehensive of strangers, disconcerted by changes in their immediate environment, or suffer from fear of separation.

As children grow a little older they are often afraid of the dark, of night-time noises, monsters, ghosts, ghouls and trolls, masks, and by dogs and other animals. During children’s school years, fear of spiders and snakes is extremely common as are fears of storms, hurricanes and natural disasters, being alone in the house, robbers and burglars, and there are frequently fears related to images or scenes seen on television or in films, even in passing. Children may also be afraid of adults who display anger and, in that context, especially of teachers and parents. As they grow older, they may experience fear of injury, illness, doctors, injections/ shots, and death. They may also feel fear about social and familial rejection, about failure, and about what they experience as difference, perhaps in relation to body image or identity.

Relatively little is known about the lived reality of children’s fears: how fears are experienced by children; how children’s experiences of fear are interpreted by adults; what differences exist between between assumed and actual realities; and how fears may be resolved.

Understanding Children is a series of fictional stories for children and those who care for them.  The stories are based on real children’s actual fears. They help children to know that their fears are not only widely experienced but also resolvable. The stories describe common fears about dogs, monsters, anger and conflict, body image, bullying, and invented characters such as Santa Claus.

Taking as their focal point each of these fears, the stories describe not only how fear is experienced but also the related feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and powerlessness that children experience when they experience irrational fear. They also show that, in some circumstances, children may be remarkably prescient in how they express their feelings of fear and in how they challenge commonly accepted practices. This helps adults to gain a better understanding of children’s fears.

As well as describing children’s fears, the stories model good communication between adults and children by drawing on literatures on how to deal with, and ultimately resolve, children’s fears. In modelling and emphasising good communication, the stories variously illustrate and give examples of the importance of

time

respect

listening

acknowledgement

understanding

reassurance

empathy

action

resolution.

Learn how to do all this and more in the GoodListening Simple Guides which teach parents, teachers and others involved with children good listening and effective communication. They provide practical and simple guides to improve how we listen in general, and how we listen in specific situations such as the emergence of a child’s fears. These written guides may also be accompanied by online programmes and face-to-face seminars, and are based on the Understanding Children Series, fictional stories for children and those who care for them.  The stories describe children’s actual fears and model good listening and communication with children about their fears.

ACCESS BOOKS ON CHILDREN’S FEARS

The stories in the Understanding Children series 1 take as their starting point specific children’s fears. The fears are described from the children’s viewpoint. In the telling of the stories, potential resolutions, based on various research literatures, are suggested.

To access the books in the Understanding Children series 1 about children fears, click on

The Boy Who Was Afraid of Dogs

The Boy Who Was Afraid of Monsters

The Girl Who Wished Her Parents Would Stop Fighting

The Girl Who Was Once Afraid of Bullies

The Girl Who Thought She Didn’t Look Right

The Child Who Was Afraid of Santa Claus

The stories in the Understanding Children Series 1 suggest potential resolution of children’s fears. They provide an entry point for adults into the perceptual world of the child and a template for understanding children’s fears, real and imagined. The stories also provide an accessible context in which children may come, not only to recognise the universality of their fears, but also a context in which their need for deep listening is acknowledged. The books provide a unique linguistic space in, and from, which children and adults can discuss issues which are very important for children but which are often dismissed, ignored, or badly handled.

The books are intended to be read by children aged ten years and under. They are also written for an adult audience of parents, relatives, teachers, childcare workers etc. who wish to gain a better understanding of strategies for effective communication with children.

The second series of Understanding Children explores the things that make children happy.

THE AUTHORS

The authors, Dr Joan Hanafin and Dr Marie Flynn, are educators and sociologists who have spent several decades working with young people, parents and teachers and researching their lives.

Text © 2005, 2014 Joan Hanafin and Marie Flynn, GREEN BIKE BOOKS All rights reserved

MORE INFORMATION

For more information about the Understanding Children series about children’s fears including workbooks, seminars and online courses, email greenbikebooks@gmail.com 

For more information about listening courses and simple guides to good listening, email info.listeningcourses@gmail.com