Can you remember the last time someone – a colleague, a child, a friend, a family member – tried to have a conversation with you just as you were rushing out the door? Or you felt stressed thinking about the long list of things you had to do? Or just really, really busy or distracted or thinking about something else?

Chances are you didn’t stop to listen to what they had to say. Or perhaps you stopped but didn’t really hear what they were saying because only half your attention was on them. Or maybe you cut short the conversation because you simply didn’t have the time or focus to stay and listen.

When the timing is wrong, listening and communication become more difficult and less effective than when the timing is right.

The first step in developing Good Listening skills is to get the timing right. If the timing is not right for reasons of busyness, emotion, distraction, lack of interest or any one of many reasons, then listening becomes difficult and the effectiveness of the communication is lessened.

Good Listening requires not only time, it requires the timing to be right. If you want someone to listen to you, the very first thing to do is to be aware of timing. Check what’s going on, the circumstances and how the other person is before you begin an important conversation. Be conscious that this might not be the best time for them to have a conversation and, if it is not, then listening and communication might not be the best.

In addition to awareness, a question you might ask is, “Is this a good time to talk to you?” or “Do you have a few minutes?” or “When would be a good time to … ?”. Asking for attention by checking if it is a good time for the other person avoids the assumption that they are available at all times to hear what you have to say. When someone asks you a question like that, it gives you the opportunity to respond immediately, or let the person know you will hear what they have to say, but at a better time when you can give them time and attention.

Remember, it is pointless trying to get someone’s attention if there is somewhere else their attention must be. If the person is busy doing something else, or focussed somewhere else, or busy going somewhere else, then your chances of having their attention are slim. It is not possible to listen well and be busy and distracted elsewhere,

So, if you want someone to listen to you, remember to check first if it is a good time for them to give you attention.

Once you have gained this simple realisation, you will have overcome a common barrier to effective listening and communication.

Wishing you Good Listening

Joan